Grumble grumble...

So Mum put a pink bow on me neck this mornin'.

It's 9:16pm and the bloody bow is still there.

I'm not on speaking terms with Mum 'til she removes it...

Blasted Mouse

So I walks by the table that the computer/telly is on; mum and dad use the telly as a computer screen. And this little white fing catches me eye. It's dartin here and there and everywhere across the screen, and I'm finking, "Man, that bloody thing must be drivin' Mum nuts!" So I jumps up on the table with every intention of catchin' the little bugga. But I can't! The little fing is too quick! Every single time I go to knock it with paw, it just slips away and goes movin' off in another direction! I tried and tried but had to give up. It's just impossible to catch that blasted li'l fing.

Sorry, Mum. I tried to help.

Catnapping

Catnapping is one o' me all time faves.

No, not burgling a place and sneakin off with the resident cat...

I fink if I had to be a professional of somefing, it would be catnapping

I can sleep just about anywhere, anytime... or maybe that's a male fing 'cause me mum says me dad does the same fing...

I can sleeps on the dinner table, in a chair, on the floor, on the couch, in the bathtub or the sink, on the bed or under the bed, in me travel carrier. Me mum also likes to laugh at me when I sleep in funny poses like all curled up with me head upside down or on me back with all me paws open and me belly exposed for ticklin... grrr I hate when she walks by and sticks me in the belly with her toes.. but I always get me revenge on them wiggly bit when she falls asleep at night muahahahaa.. ahem, I mean, I'm a sweet li'l Tom who never holds a grudge.

More catnapping shall ensue

A Present Just For Moi!

So's about 9am this mornin, there's a knock on me front door. Two blokes in a truck have arrived with a GINORMOUS package. It was big and blue and covered in this fantastic plastic bubble stuff! I thought that was great on its own- I coulda had fun all day with it.

But then mum unwraps it and VOILA! I have me own big red comfy couch! It's so cushy and comfy and it came with some lovely pillows, too. I can just leans me self up against the arm rest and let me front paws dangle a bit over the edge. Or I can curl up in a little ball on the middle cushion or stretch out and take up the whole thing! I can even sit on the armrest or the back of the couch and look at the window. No straining me neck or standin on me hind paws no more! I can just lay all lazy on the couch and observe me yard and chirp at the birdies who dare to land on me lawn!

But the best part of having me own couch- I can share it with mum and then curl up right next to her and have 'Mummy and George Time'. She gives me the bestest presents, me mum does.

I'm a Scaredy Cat

2nd Post in One Day! I'm feelin ambitious...

So's I'm a completely scaredy cat in two ways.

#1 - The Vacuum
Mum decided to vacuum upstairs and the stairs themselves. Of course as soon as she turns the bloody thing on, I freaked out! I'm pretty sure this giant black vrooming monster will suck me right up and I will be George no more. So's I run down the stairs, fru the livin' room and hide behind the wash machine until mum comes and rescues me... pathetic, I know.

#2- Outside
So's I been writing bout me escapades where I sneaks past mum or dad and bolt out the door, right? Well... mum decided it was a beautiful day and that I should go outside. I says to meself, "George, what's the catch?" It was a cat leash ! So's she puts it on and it feels all weird and of course, I don't budge. I'm a respectable Tom, I says, and won't do it! Well, she opens the backdoor and the fresh air gets the better of me. I steps onto the patio and starts sniffin away. But then I sees one of the dreaded giant pigeons land in a nearby tree and I hopes it doesn't carry me away and then some strange human comes runnin through the backyard on the pavement and the wind starts blowing hard and ITS JUST TOO MUCH FOR ME! I scrambled at the door and mum reads me mind and opens it to let me back in the house. It was just too scary- just couldn't handle it all.

So there- I am an official scaredy cat and will remain a house cat. I will have to content myself to sleepin all day and runnin through the house when I feels of bit o' wildness come over me.



PS for you American folks, pavement = sidewalk

CHOMP

I love to bite human paws! Or at least what they call feet.

They have these little pink wiglet bits called "toes" and they are wonderful to just up and nibble. Example: mum and dad laying in bed with their feet peeping out. CHOMP right on the fleshy bit of dad's little toe. And he pushes me away. Like that's gonna stop me! CHOMP right on the end of his big toe! Now that one's fun to bite. But he pushes me again so I decides to go after mum's foot that's peeping out, just waitin to be pounced on. I sneaks over and CHOMP on the place where he foot arches- tis a great spot though it's hard to sink me teeth into so I have to CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP trying to really get a hold. 'Course then she pulls her foot back under the blankets and I'm left with nuffing to nibble... but there's always tomorrow night

I don't fink I'm 'posed to mess with the blinds...

I don't fink I'm 'posed to mess with the blinds...

I was trying to get the buggas open last night after me mum and dad went to bed. But I'm not quite tall enough to peak out of em.. so's I just keep battin at the bottom of 'em.

But dad came down stairs and told me "no", then mum came down and bopped me and told me "no" and then dad came back down, splashed me with a cup'a'cold water, told me "no" and then took me back up stairs to jail me in me travel carrier again. I really didn't fancy the water being poured on me and I think dad knew it before he done it.

If he pours water on me again, may be I shouldn't keep playin in the window blinds..
I hopes he doesn't do it again.

♦Birthday Present

I am utterly exhausted today.

Yesterday was me mum's birthday so I took it upon meself to be good, seeing as I was her first birthday present. I found meself being called "Birthday Present Number 1" instead of George, Georgie, or Ee-ee all day yesterday. (Ee-ee is me mum's pet name for me in regards to me rather pitiful meow- or at least she and me dad think so.)

I did my duty in the form of sittin on her lap multiple times through out the day. I helped her wash her face and her hands. I let dad alone while he caught up on sleep. I did not rattle the blinds incessantly and I kept quiet all last night so's they could both sleep.

Me only small bit of mischief was finishin dad's bowl of cottage cheese he left on the table and only slightly pawing at the blinds so's one of them would open em so's I could see outside(dad closed them before they left the house for dinner). Oh, and I might have escaped out the door for a brief moment went they got back.. but dad sneak attacked me and grabbed me up before I's could run off. Other than that, I thought meself to be on me best behavior.

See what a good birthday present I was??

My Favorite Things Around the House

1. the pendulum on mum's clock
2. any bowl or cup left in the sink and filled with water!
3. the zipper pull on mum's jacket
4. empty TP roll
5. the sleeping bag
6. the pull and twisty-open thingies on the window blinds
7. hair bands- any color- I'm not picky
8. The Loo- my favorite room in the entire house!
9. the look-out tower mum and dad rigged so's I can see out the front window

Backwards and Upside-down

So's everythin has gone all off this week. How so??

Dad's leavin for work when he's supposed to be coming back to play with me. He comes back when Mum wakes up and sleeps all day like I do. And then when I'm bout ready to play, he leaves again!

At least we agree on whens the proper time to sleep and be awake but he should be awake at home so's he can play with me. And mum of course. She seems a bit lonely at night after dad leaves. So I's curl up with her while she reads in bed, and then I starts messing around with things once she turns off the lights.

I hope things get back to normal soon.

Jail time again... plus recent developments

So's I gots jailed again last night for fiddlin with the blinds.

I's just wantin to see outside- all kindsa good things come outside at night and I wanted to watch. So I start pawing at em and trying to swing em away from the window so's to get up underneath and take a peak. And then on the back window, I just bent a pawful of em outta place so's I didn't have to swat them so much. And then I remembered me travel carrier was under mum and dads bedroom window! So's I run up and scratch and meow to be let in the room, which always wakes me mum up, and as soon as she lets me in, I go straight to the window. I jumps up on the carrier and proceed to whack at the bottom of the blinds trying to get em moved so's I can takes a look out back. Then mum chucks me back out. After several repeat attempts, dad decides to put me in my travel carrier in spare room! I only wanted to see outside. And no matter how  much I meowed and cried and complained, they couldn't hear me. They just kept sleepin away...

Another update: mum and dad went shopping on Saturday and came back with a bright red collar with a bell! Talk about annoying! I can't move without it ringin and mum and dad can always find me now! I miss being able to sneak attack em at night when its all dark. Bloody bell..

Update no. 3: dad will be home during the day this week and has already encroached on me time with mum. In stead of ME cuddlin with her this mornin, ME wakin her up- instead of her feeding ME first and playing and petting and kissin on ME this morning- DAD gets all the bloody attention. When do I get time with just me self and mum???

Update no. 4: They looked at me this morning, sniffed me, and mentioned the words "smelly", "stinks", "ilgh", and "bath today"... this can't be good.

They did it again...

They did it again...

They bathed me! What did I do??

According to me dad, I smelled "bad" yesterday morning before he left for work.

He then proceeded to declare I was gettin a bath before they cleaned the loo.

So for a second time, I was soaked, scrubbed, soaked again, and wrung out before I was plunked into a nice warm towel. Dad even went as far as getting mum to take embarrassing pictures of me all wet and scrawny lookin.

At least the towel was warm. Thank you mum!

On a brighter note, the suns is shinin this mornin and mum's opened the blinds and put chairs under the windows so's I can looks out :)

George + Water = Happy George

So I mighta changed me tune about water. 

(Cept very big running waters cause that's still horrible, horrible stuff!)

I love playing in me water bowls and splashin water all over the kitchen floor or the hall carpet!

(Mum is nice enough to give me two water bowls <3 )

If the loo seat is left up, I like to get in it and drink or just dip me paws.

Dad never completely shuts off the faucet after he showers so I play with the little trickle that's left running.

Anythin left in the kitchen sink filled with water is fair play.

And I just love runnin' around in a wet bath!

And of course all these things mean that I always have cold, wet paws to stick on mum when she picks me up! Or to help wake her up in the mornin and leave wet paw prints on her sheets.

 So's long as I'm not the one gettin a bath, water ain't so bad.

Things I Love to Attack

1. Red Hair band that I stole from me mum
2. Mum's shoelaces while she's trying to tie 'em
3. Dad's feet while he walks by the bed
4. Running water- I can't quite catch it, it just slips threw me toes
5. My blue or green fish
6. The laser pointer - I'll get that little bigger one day
7. The sleepin bag tying up strings
8. Me tail
9. Dad's rolled up ABU socks
10. Me jingle ball
11. Mum and dad's arms or feet when they's'a hangin off the bed
12. Dad when he's kissin' on me mum - I needs attention too
13. Pens, pencils, anythin of that sort
14. The front door mat - it doesn't move or anythin, but it still scream "come and get me!"
15. The hanger dad left downstairs one mornin last week

At this moment, mum is sittin in what you American's call "Indian style" and I am attackin her toes. To do this I must dive under her knee and attack them like mad before she swats me away or tosses me at Dad. And then I start all over again! What a way to finish me day.

♦Payback

So me mum and dad left me home all by me self on Saturday- no one to play with or pet me. No laps to sleep on, no hands or feet to attack. No one to toss me fishin pole or scratch behind me ears. It was just plain boring. They goes out and have a jolly time in London for the ENTIRE day and I'm stuck at home.

Well, I could tell they were really tired when they got home so I let them sleep and recuperate most of yesterday. They were at least nice enough to feed me when they got home Saturday. But last night, I thought I'd have a little fun with em.

Of course dad slept through the whole thing, but I sure got mum good. I kept gettin up on the dining table and the kitchen counters and knocking stuffs around. Making stuff clank together n all. And mum would come rushin down to sees if I's broken anyfin. Of course I wasn't mad enough to break any of it, I'm not that daft. Mum would skin me! (or at least lock me in a travel carrier again, cept she'd put me in anuver room so's me meowing wouldn't keep her and dad up) I finally gave that a rest  cause I figured I could do it again in the mornin.

So that's what I been doin all day. Well, dad woke her up before I could so I's had to get her back loads of different ways. I been chasing her feet while she walks, trying to trip her. I been up on the counters and the table, making her chase me off. I been running around like mad after the hair band that I stole, jumpin in'n'out o' the laundry basket. Tried jumping in the wash machine but she swatted me off. And I been attacking her hands and arms and got my claw hooked nice and deep in the fleshy bits on one o' her fingers.

But now I fink its nap time and so's I will continue my payback later.

Bath Problem Solved!

The past few nights I've decided to give me mum and dad a break and not pester them all night. What brought this on? See the previous post involving a certain black cat, a bottle of kitty shampoo, and lots and lots of water....

The event that brought on said bath was that during one of my midnight escapades in the water closet, mum gave me a rub down and mumbled something along the lines of "ilgh, george, you smell like cat... stinky, male cat" and I finks, "Well, wot do you expect?" Then the next evening, I get aforementioned bath.

So being the intelligent feline that I am, I decided that if I don't wake her up, and she doesn't rub me down, and she doesn't sniff her paws and declare I smell like "stinky, male cat" then I can avoid all future baths! See? I'm brilliant! Genius, in fact.

How to avoid baths: Solved.
How to open the front door: Solution still in progress.

Oh the shame!

I's just mindin me own business, watchin the faucet drip, waitin for dad to get done in the bath so's he can play with me s'more... then when I wasn't looking-

They scooped me up and plunked me in the tub and SOAKED me from tail to toe, while holdin me down against me will! Doesn't a cat get a say in any of this?? I says to me self.

Then they soaped me, TWICE, scrubbin me all over, including me unmentionables...

And then soaked me again! At this point I'm sure I looks like a drowned rat and they've been laughing at me own expense this whole time. So's I've given up by now cause I'm no match for dad and the waters pretty warm so at least I'm not freezin me parts off.

And as mum scoops me up in a towel, I watch the last bit of me dignity wash down the drain with the soap suds..

I can't imagine me evenin gettin any worse. Now I must bathe me self proper... and plot up some plan to get me revenge tonight when they goes to sleep...

Favorite Place #1

I thought I would post some photos of me in one of me favorite places in me new house.

 

  

 Just after these two, I accidentally stuck me head under the water!

  

I love to play in here when mum and dad go to bed.

I was hopin mum'd turn the water back on

George to the Rescue!

So I've made up me mind that humans are bonkers. How I arrived at this:

So I's mindin me own business and I hear running water. 'Oh no' I says to me self. I run up the stairs and find me mum getting into the bath and INTO THE WATER! Any self respectin cat in his right mind would never do a fing like that. I meow, "Mum! What are you doing?!" And put me paws on the edge of the bath. And all she does is start making human sounds at me. Oh why doesn't she speak cat already?! I've been here 6 days- she should be fluent by now!

So's I keep meowing that I want to help her and she just keep standing in the water. I jump on to the tub and try to talk her out but she does nuffink. I pace between the bath curtains, worrying me self silly. What was she finkin gettin in the water? I peeks around the curtain by the sink and gets me face all wet and jump away into the sink and back to the floor. (Mind you, I'm still yellin at her the whole time, lecturin her on the dangers of water, especially runnin water.) I jump back on to the back of the tub to try and coax her out. But she's got her head under the water so nows I have to take drastic measures. I slide down into the tub, meowing my displeasure the entire way. So now I'm on the verge of bein in the water me self, still meowing "Why are you still in the water? Have you heard a single bloody thing I've said?!" And that's when the water got me! I scrambled back outta the tub and try to dry me self off. By now, I'm ready to call it quits but I give it one more go and jump up and sit me self between the curtains again. I try boppin her frew the curtain but she just pokes back at me. I bop her again, and again she pokes back.

So's I says to me self- "That's it. I'm frowin in the towel. I've tried me best but she don't wanna listen." And I sits me self on the loo and wait to see if she ever comes out again alive... (I's really hopin she would or I'd have no one to feed me or pet me or dangle me favorite fishin pole)

And that is why human are bonkers. Standing for hours and hours under runnin water, never having a care for a cat's worryin.

PS- Mum made it out alright, jus in case you were worried too.

Cats need Freedom too

I'm jus frowin dis out there- Cats need freedom too.

I mean, I jus want to enjoy the garden and the grass and the sky and the flowers and the trees... and kick the stuffin' outta other toms who come into me garden...

But no. Me parents stack up boxes so's I can looks out the window and watch the bloke tramp all over me lovely grass (though its covered with some white stuff at the moment). So I'm jumpin at the front door trying to tell the bugga to sod off and dad comes after me likes he gonna get me and I runs up the stairs. Of course dad gets to go out and rough 'em up a bit but I'm stuck in the house. And me mum's keeping the stairs so's I can't get by and dart out the front door when dad opens it again.



I just want to be free to claim me own bushes. Is that too much to ask?